Joy comes in the Mourning: 3

As the curtain falls on 2016, I have reposted three blogs that capture the journey my family began in February 2015 when we were told our grandson Braden was in the clutches of a dragon named Rhabdomyosarcoma. These three mark waypoints through the first 16 months of our suffering...his suffering. I reposted the first, "For Braden from my Heart" on December 29, 2016 followed yesterday by Blog #2 "From Another Perspective."

Blog #3 "Even If the Healing Doesn't Come" was written on June 28, then posted on June 30, 2016 and reflects on Braden's legacy.  Know this: the anchor holds!  We grieve not as those who have no hope. Our confidence stands firmly rooted on "the blessed hope" we have in this: Jesus has overcome, the grave is overwhelmed!  We will rise--Braden has "leveled up to the real world" as he described his approaching death.

Hoping these blogs help others who suffer; hoping they honor God, who remains a Strong Tower of confidence and assurance as we lean hard into Him, working through our loss, pain and grief; hoping they point the way to "the real world" for you, that place in eternity where our Braden jams before the King; waiting, anticipating, the New Heaven and New Earth.  Trust Jesus today.

"June 28, 2016

'I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.' Philippians 3.14 ESV

Today, life changed. Our 14 year old grandson, Braden, died. He lost a 16 month battle with the Dragon we call Cancer. I don't want to go to bed tonight because it feels like if I can just stay awake, I'll somehow be able to reverse reality; that he'll be there waiting to have breakfast with me on Saturday morning and 'hang-out.'

I want to reflect on death, life, life-after-death and Braden. It's what he would want to talk with you about, if he still could.

DEATH levels the playing field of life. No one ever gets out alive. Feels capricious and mean-spirited. Yet, not. You see had not death been allowed to efficiently rampage through humankind, with no exceptions, we would be once and forever separated from experiencing the face-to-face relationship God created us for in the first place. It's through this portal that we bound into eternity; it's the portal Braden bounded through today. Without death we would be chained to a relationship of enmity with God; no reverse, no repair--no hope.

God not only provided us with a portal, He provided us with a redeemer. I love the way the Apostle Paul describes how we access this pass-through portal to eternal LIFE in his letter to the Church in Rome:

'9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved. 11 As the Scriptures tell us, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.' 12 Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him. 13 For 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' Romans 10.9-13. NLT

This two-step process here described in Romans 10 provides us with certitude about LIFE-after-DEATH. It gives us freedom--from guilt, fear, dread AND the righteous judgement of God. Now we have access to God's grace--undeserved favor--and He treats us not on the basis of what we deserve, but with transformative love. Our part? Openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, (and) you will be saved. Jesus, our redeemer. He gave us back our freedom to say 'yes' to God--His amazing grace, His unconditional love, His sovereign transformative vision for our lives.

My beloved Grandson BRADEN, tapped into God's amazing grace as a very young lad. That didn't make his faith any less real, transformative and powerful. He always had a tender heart for God. It's hard not to wonder what might have become of this boy who was on the threshold of becoming a man. Broken hearts. But this disease that ended his life with us, gave him something too, it is a remarkable gift.

Instead of getting bitter, feeling like a victim and feeling God had abandoned him--Braden used the deprivations, the humiliations caused by the Dragon to go deep and radically trust God. He turned suffering into an opportunity to think about 'what's important' and 'what comes next' and about God. He began to think God's thoughts, after Him. He said this, responding to a question about 'How could a good God allow you to suffer, to die?'

'God didn't give me cancer; a broken world did. God gave me His presence to get me through the each day. He gave me His Word to show me how to live the real life, so that death isn't the end; see it's not just that God is good, it's that all good is God, there is NO good without God.' 

Even if the healing doesn't come.

As Braden drew his last deep breath and passed into the presence of Jesus, he was surrounded by people who loved him. Early today, drifting in and out of sleep he roused himself and declared, 'Tell my family, tell my friends, I love them.' So, know this, YOU were loved.

Braden's legacy is really all about a much bigger love--He wanted you to know that YOU ARE loved by God with an amazing, gracious, transformative and redemptive love. He wanted more than anything else for each person he touched to have a face-to-face relationship with the God who fearfully and wonderfully made each one of us.

So Braden has 'run' with dignity, grit and abandon--driven by his passion for God and love for people. His legacy continues to be written in my life and YOUR lives; this is what he would say: 'So what will YOU do with Jesus?'

Father in heaven, thank you for selecting us to be Braden's family over these past 14 years. He was Yours before he was ours and now, we release any claim--and lay him lovingly into Your arms. May his passion burn brightly in our hearts and through our lives. Use his faith-filled life to inspire us to faithfulness to a 'long obedience in the same direction.' We ask that Your peace will carry us through the days ahead, Your grace will restore us, Your mercy knit our broken hearts. Through Messiah Jesus, let it be."

Live it well...bN tGit

Joy comes in the Mourning: 2

As the curtain falls on 2016, I'm reposting three blogs that capture the journey my family began in February 2015 when we were told our grandson Braden was in the clutches of a dragon named Rhabdomyosarcoma. These three mark waypoints through the first 16 months of our suffering...his suffering. I reposted the first yesterday, December 29, 2016.

Blog #2 was originally posted on June 30, 2015, three hundred and sixty-three days before he "leveled-up" (Braden's description of dying in Christ).  That day we had reason to be optimistic--yet knowing that we were all (and we remain) in the hands of God who we trusted even if the healing didn't come.

Hoping these blogs help others who suffer; hoping they honor God, who remains a Strong Tower of hope and assurance as we lean hard into Him, working through our loss, pain and grief...

"'Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.' Ephesians 3.20,21

This is a capstone of worship and benediction to Paul's prayer for the Ephesian Church in his letter to the same. The prayer, and this benediction, are perhaps my favorite text in the Newer Testament.

The optimist in me always sees the glass half-full. These words '...abundantly, beyond all that we ask or imagine...' always brought great joy to my heart as I contemplated--then experienced--God's blessing on His people, His provision on a just-in-time basis--rarely early but never late. But I've come to another perspective over the last few months about this promise in vv.20, 21.

Recently I've connected the dots in a different way; '...abundantly, beyond all that we ask or imagine...' can sometimes come to us through the portal of pain, suffering and loss. It isn't that I don't understand that God uses suffering in our lives. It isn't that I've never personally experienced that process. I'm 62 years old--who hasn't suffered in 62 years? God has always been a ROCK and walked though all the squasma with me. I simply have never connected THIS verse to THAT process.

Reflect on this with me for a moment--applying the text, '...abundantly, beyond anything we can ask or imagine,' to the crucible called suffering. This promise is a deep well of hope for those between a rock and a hard place. God wastes nothing that comes into our lives. I believe that most of what we suffer is simply the result of the ebb and flow of life impacted by a world wrecked by sin. Imagine (though the text says it's beyond our ability to imagine) God meeting us 'abundantly, beyond anything we can ask or imagine' in those hardest of hard life-loss moments--NOT removing the suffering or restoring the loss, but using it to transform us.

This--the hardest of hard-- is where I've lived since February 19, 2015 when we learned our grandson, Braden, had a very serious cancer. God has met me in this barren place... abundantly, beyond anything I could ask or imagine.

Braden is not cancer-free, and we have no guarantee, though his prognosis is good. The way to his current status has been difficult, he has suffered and lost too much. Yet, through it all, God has inhabited my fear, my anger and my tears. He has changed me, made me more dependent, forged a more profound faith in me; He has changed Braden. He has changed our family...abundantly, beyond anything we could ask or imagine.

I have witnessed abundance through Braden's parents--their resolve and leadership; through Braden's transformed adolescent attitude; through younger brother Kellen pitching in, doing all he can to bring comfort and ease the load. I have witnessed abundance through answered prayer. I have witnessed abundance through the hundreds of people who are investing there time, energy, love and faith in us--generously, constantly. I have witnessed His abundance in my 'dark night of the soul' moments...abundantly, beyond anything I could ask or imagine.

I know this: God is. God is acting. God is acting for us. God is acting for us abundantly beyond anything we can ask or imagine--in celebration and through suffering.

Loss isn't abandonment. It isn't the death of hope. It's an 'intersection' where one can step back and see life not just for what it isn't, but for what it is; it's at that place, in that moment, we see the goodness of God...abundantly, beyond anything we can ask or imagine.

Sometimes, joy comes in the MOURNING."



Live it well...bN tGit

Joy Comes in the Mourning: 1

Three days left in 2016.  I'll be glad to leave this year behind.  As the curtain falls, I'm reposting three blogs that capture the journey my family began in February 2015 when we were told our grandson Braden was in the clutches of a dragon named Rhabdomyosarcoma.  These three mark waypoints through the first 16 months of our suffering...his suffering.  This is a letter I wrote to him, then fashioned into a blog posted March 28, 2015.  Hoping these help others who suffer; hoping they honor God, who remains a Strong Tower of hope and assurance as we lean hard into Him, working through our loss, pain and grief...

"Our first-born grandson, Braden (age 13), was diagnosed with cancer--Rhabdomayosarcoma, on February 19, 2015. It's been very difficult. The disease hasn't behaved as expected. This letter, written just yesterday, is a response the news that his treatment clock has been reset--after 4 weeks--and will now extend 54 (instead of 40) weeks from Monday, March 30, 2015...

'Dearest Braden...
It sounds like you're up against it down there at Riley. It takes a great deal of courage to face everything you've been through over the last 6 weeks and before that, with your painful but undiagnosed headaches.

Writing to tell you how proud you've made me as I watch you endure so much. But more than that, to say how much I love you. I am so saddened by what this disease has taken from you and your family. But there are times in life like this. If I could lift the burden you're all facing and put it on my shoulders I would do anything to make that happen. I had hoped you'd be spared the suffering that inevitably comes with life, at least until you were older and had more life experience to fall back on. But, your time is now.

I've suffered much over the years. This is what I know: Christ makes all the difference. Those are easy words to say, and may seem somewhat empty at this point in your process. He understands that and He's OK with it. But reaching out to Him in prayer, crying out to Him in your pain, taking comfort in the Word and seeking refuge in those words and promises--will have a transformative impact on you and the way you see your pain now, and how it will grow you toward the man God has promised to make you. This disease caught us all by surprise--shocked, frightened, desperately sad. But it did not take God by surprise. He formed you in your mother's womb, He knew you then--and He saw this too. Lean hard into Him and He will sustain you...one small step at a time. You have a wonderful vision for God, a heart that has sought Him from the time you were able to conceive of Him. He is using you right now, today, to draw others to His promise and give others courage to face their own challenges, whatever they may be. His strength is being displayed in your weakness.

Faced with His imminent suffering and death Jesus cried out to the Father in prayer, 'If it be thy will Father, let this cup pass from me.' He then went on to endure suffering and death--then the resurrection. 

He died on a Friday, rose on a Sunday. During this Easter season each year believers say 'It's Friday, but Sunday's comin'' to remind ourselves that 'Friday' is not all there is--Sunday's coming--and the confusion, pain, injustice, disease--the brokenness and sin that we see all around us--that threatens to undo us--God will make all that right in His time. In the meantime, He walks with us through the deep, deeper and deepest water, the dark valley, the 'dark night of our soul' and empowers us to endure and overcome all of it. 

Don't think about what the ending of your treatment journey will be like--don't wish yourself there. Embrace this cup that God, in His wisdom and sovereign providence, has allowed life to place into your hands; take life one day, one moment at a time and rejoice in each small victory, each mundane passage--celebrate them all and watch what God does in you and through you. Embrace your life with a smile and savor each day--regardless of how unsavory it may be. Find the good and live in that place. Love your parents, your brother, your friends; be 'in the moment' and God will meet you there.

You have been blessed with amazing parents, a brother who is suffering with you, family that loves you in a profound and selfless way--and a BraveHart community (growing every day) of friends, neighbors and strangers who are investing themselves around the clock in prayer. 

God has this. He has you. He has us...and He has this disease. We trust him because we can. Dear grandson, I love you and will never stop contending in prayer, through faith in God's promises, for your complete healing.  He, and we, will carry you through. His mercies are new every morning--seek and you will find. 

It's Friday, but Sunday's comin.

Thank you for being you--with all my love...Grampa'"


Live it well...bN tGit

What's in a Day?

1968: Hair!

Each year, on December 28, I pause and reflect.

The years go by like stones under rushing water and it's easy to forget what life was like 48 years ago; what life could have been like, had God not intervened that evening in 1968. It was the last Saturday night of the year; I had a plan, and it certainly did not include an up close conversation with God. But, He had a different plan...and, as it turns out, it changed my life--forever.

But the path to that evening in 1968 started ten years before, when my Grandmother, who lived with us at the time, would gather me up and carry me off to Church and Sunday School--I still have my first Bible, the one mom gave me to take to church with Grandma. I didn't know, until I was a young adult, that my grandmother faithfully prayed for me each day--that "BJ would experience the power of Jesus Messiah in his life and embrace Him as his Lord and Savior." She eventually moved back to her roots in Fort Scott Kansas. But I continued to get myself to church until 8th grade.

I don't recall why I decided to "drop out" but I'm sure it just didn't feel very "cool" to attend church and Sunday School any longer--and since I went by myself, it was my decision to make. Fast forward to the fall of my Junior year in High School. One evening I landed at a "Campus Life" meeting (thank you Pauline Adams!) at the home of a classmate (Jim Rehnberg); it was the kickoff for the school year and as advertised, it was a "Burger Bash," all you could eat--and attracted a huge crowd of students. I got more that evening than a big meal. The Campus Life leader, Mark Zier, gave a short talk to close the event and he asked the crowd..."If you died tonight, do you know where you're going?" I didn't; it bothered me, then I moved on.

On the evening of December 28, 1968 I was set to attend an "After Christmas" party with some buddies (Jerry McClain was driving). Our "wires got crossed" (coincidence?) and they never showed up; stuck, I recalled something was happening at the Rec-center with Campus Life that night--they called it a "Campus Life Rally." There was a girl I had some interest in (Colleen Rehnberg) and I knew she would probably be there (I was right); I managed to catch Mark (Zier) before he'd left his house. He was delighted when I called, and he swung by and picked me up. An evening of activities, music and then a guy, Roger Cross, got up and challenged me again about my life and death. This time I was ready and wanted to get this question resolved; Mark talked with me and then invited me to pray a short, simple prayer to embrace Jesus as Messiah, and the rest...is history.

Second "date" 1969

Three weeks later I went to the Ventura "Rally." Mark asked me to share about my recent conversion experience with that half of the county I grew up in. Mark mentioned a girl he thought I'd really like, a cute Sophomore at Buena High School named Laura--he wanted to introduce us; he was right. In that span of three weeks I'd had two introductions that literally changed the direction and the outcome of my life: I'd trusted Jesus Messiah and met my future wife--we married 3 years, 48 weeks and 6 days later.

My home was a rather complicated place (aren't most?). Lot's of love, AND pain. I was carrying some emotional baggage by that time and was making some bad choices. Jesus changed all that in an instant. The baggage was there--in fact it didn't get fully "unpacked" for years. But His presence in my life set me in a "best direction" that just never wavered. Laura's family embraced me as a "son" as our relationship grew; they, especially her dad (my dad died suddenly in 1970), filled a great need in my life.

In the 80's there was a popular gospel song written by Bill Gaither that describes my story, I get choked up every time I sing it; the chorus declares..."Something beautiful, something good; all my confusion He understood, all I had to offer him was brokenness and strife, but He made something, beautiful, out of my life."

December, 28, 1968. What a difference a day makes.

Live it well...bN tGit

A Beautiful Mind

Two years ago we said our farewells to Laura's dad as he passed into the presence of God, whom he loved and served since embracing Christ as a boy in Washington, Illinois. Gene was such a giant of a man. One of the most difficult sojourns Laura and I have made over our 44 year marriage was watching Gene "lose himself" to dementia over the last 5 years of his life.

This "passage" moved me to learn more about the brain, how it functions, and why; more about the relationship of the material, the organ we call our brain, and the immaterial--our minds. I offer this comment with great conviction: the cause/effect relationship between the way we think and the outcomes we achieve is immutable, can be scientifically documented and is the result of loving-intelliegent design.

A "mind," even a poorly developed one, is a powerful force. God blessed us all with beautiful minds; having been fashioned in His image gives us access to resources beyond the natural, built right into our DNA.

Our minds are, of course, the most unique aspect of our being.  So, what are you doing with yours? It's the first day of the rest of our lives, December 26, 2016, a wonderful portal from which to look back at what was, then gaze into the new year at what might be.

Here's a perpetual list I believe can keep our "life-compass" oriented, True North. Quite frankly, much of the time this is a three-steps-forward-two-steps-back process; carry on--ONE step at a time IS progress!

For a better 2017 (and long-term, a more productive life--AND a brighter mind)... 

1. Go to and get out of bed earlier. 
2. Be active, body and mind, with the extra morning time. 
3. Give up painful thinking. 
4. Don't throw others "under the bus." 
5. Refuse to think like a victim. 
6. Seek balance in your life. 
7. Look for the best in people. 
8. Find ways to add value to other peoples lives.
9. Give generously to a cause you feel great passion for. 
10. Volunteer and serve in some fashion, some place.
11. Don't be a cynic. 
12. Refuse to associate with negative people. 
13. Spend time in dialogue with people who don't think like you. 
14. Make the effort to grow your intellect and expand your perspective. 
15. Transform obstacles into opportunities. 
16. Begin something that makes you feel challenged. 
17. Mentor someone younger and/or less experienced. 
18. Find someone to mentor you, then be accountable to that person. 
19. Read, or listen to, good books that make you feel enriched. 
20. Exercise (Read "Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain" to kick-start your motivation and educate yourself to a healthier year)
21. Journal: keep it simple and short; then watch that discipline begin to expand.

Finally, and most significantly...do, love, walk.

"...do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God." Micah 6.8

For me, it starts by asking God (again) to empower me to resolve and retool the way I think and as result, the way I experience life...

"Father in heaven give me clarity to know myself... give me desire to reflect Christ... give me discipline to lean into You... give me focus to remain on task... give me wisdom to make 'best decisions' and think like You. Through Christ, let it be." 

May this be your most beautiful year yet.

Live it well...bN tGit